Eileen tell him “Yes!”

1 shot

There were too many unfamiliar people at the bar that night and I felt like my safe space had been compromised. It was my haven. I went there on Monday nights after a long day’s work to clear my thoughts and share in the wisdom of the bartender, Louisa. Louisa had been through a lot in life and was always ready with a story from her past and a lesson to be learned. Tonight was different. On this particular Monday night, there were a group of unfamiliar people at the bar but I took comfort in the all too familiar burn of whiskey down my throat.

2 shots

Through blurry eyes, I saw red in the distance. I sat up straight on the barstool and blinked twice to refocus my vision. Right there, across the bar, on the arm of a man in a blue shirt, was a goddess in vermilion. She smiled brightly at everyone and seemed to be the life of the party. I was enamored by her and I knew that I had to know her.

3 Shots

I downed another shot of liquid courage hoping to calm my nerves before I went up to her. Before I could make my move, I saw her gracefully sauntering in my direction. This right here was fate.

“Excuse me, can we get another round at our table?” she said to Louisa

“You look like a song.” I said, with my most charming grin yet.

My grin was my best feature and I’d never known a woman who could resist it.

She smiled softly and made direct eye contact. Those eyes. There was nothing particularly special about them but I never wanted to look away from them.

“What song do you think I look like?” she asked

Something about the way she spoke made me feel like I had known her my whole life but sad that I hadn’t had the pleasure until now.

“Come on Eileen”

She smiled her most enchanting smile yet. The kind of smile that reaches your eyes.

And then, she started humming the tune to the song as she walked away.

A few steps into the distance, she spun around in her silver heels and shouted at Louisa

“Another shot for the gentleman. On me.”

And she disappeared back into the crowd. Every step she took was exquisite and deliberately intoxicating.

I took the shot, raised it in her direction and gulped it down.

Floor

I woke up on the floor of the bar, in the arms of the scarlet goddess. I looked up at her and into her eyes. There, I saw fire and I longed to play with it.

“Hi I’m Betty.”

“Hi I’m drunk.”

“Fucking lightweight”

She laughed.

It was the kind of laughter that heals your soul and simultaneously burns a hole of lust in your heart.

If you enjoyed this mushy piece check out the other parts of the story

Part 3 Here

Advertisements

HERE

I’d never been one you’d classify as spontaneous. My entire life had been mapped out on post-it notes, calendars and planners in electrifying néons. Perhaps, to compensate for the lack of color in my life. But here I was, on a whim, in that velvet dress I had no business being in, with butterflies in my stomach and my heart on my sleeve ; ready to risk it all for a shot at happiness. Even for just a while. But I just stood there behind the frosted glass doors, coddling my fragile heart in my hands.

The ticking of the clock on the wall behind me reminded me that although I was frozen with fear, I was not frozen in time. Time was too precious a gift to be wasted on cowardice. I thought about how I’d put my safe relationship on the line to go chasing after love. The kind of love that burns with the fragrance of wild flowers. The kind of love with a passion so intense that it scares the shit out of you and simultaneously makes you feel safe. It was now or never and now seemed like a perfectly good time to do something for the first time. And that something, was finally going after what I wanted. So here I was, walking through the big frosted glass door of this fancy bar I had no business being at.

There he was, not too far from the bar, with a tall glass of wine in one hand and his charm in the other. The atmosphere was saturated with an assortment of smells and sounds but I could only smell his cologne. A whiff of his cologne and a flash of his pearly whites from across the room stirred up a storm of emotions within me. And it brought over me a sense of calm and a pure high. There was this man, honest to a fault, full of life and spontaneous, sitting on the other side of the room, completely oblivious to the effects of his mere presence on me. A man I had no business longing for… but I did.

I looked back at the weeks we spent together. How he turned my perfect life into chaos and made me realize that I loved the chaos. I looked back at the relationship I left behind for a whirlwind romance and I looked back at the previous night where I ran from the unpredictable unknown to what I’d always known for safety and sanity because I’d become enamored with the insane and I liked it a little too much.

I sauntered over to the bar in that velvet dress he couldn’t keep his hands off of and climbed the stool next to him

“I’ll have what he’s having.”

He turned to me and smiled

Here I was, in this dress I had no business wearing , in this bar I had no business being in, with this man I had no business falling for, embarking on an adventure I had no business going on. But yet, here I was.

21/01

In this moment you are the sea with its 23 shades of blue
I am the horizon that gently caresses the ocean

In this moment you are the setting sky with it’s cool pastels and firey reds
I am the moon grateful for the love the sun shows by dying so that I could breathe every night

In this moment we are the wind and the leaves, locked together in a sultry dance; dancing to the tune of love

And in this moment we are two souls on a narrow path to our common destiny

What is it about the moment you fall in love?
I wish that my life will be this moment

I Cannot Come And Kill Myself 

The beginning of the year is one of the most exciting times in the year for me. There’s nothing more exciting to me than positive energy and this is one of the few times in the year that most people radiate positivity. As we begin this year, I would like to share some principles I live by that have made an incredible impact on me since I started living by them and my hope is that more people will reap the benefits of incorporating these principles into their lives this year. 

• BeLIeVE in NOW

If there’s ever anything you want to do, realise that you don’t need to wait to start and learn not to waste too much of the present worrying about the past or the future

• Journey Deeper Into Yourself

Take time out of reality to get to know who you are. Notice the things about you that you never pay attention to and fall in love with your uniqueness. We are all unique but many of us are not aware of our uniqueness.

• Be Yourself 

Be yourself as loudly and as flamboyantly as you can and you’ll find that it’ll attract people who will love you because you’re you and repel those who feel you need to be something else.

• Love Yourself Without Being Selfish

There’s a thin line between self-love and conceit and we must all learn to love ourselves intensely without getting caught up within our ego.

• Love Others Without Losing Yourself

Whiles learning to love ourselves let’s not forget to let that love spill over into others without pouring out so much of ourselves that we feel empty.

• Do Your Best And Don’t Stress About The Rest

Put your absolute best into everything that you do and be confident that your best is enough.

• What Others Say Or Think About You Is None Of Your Business 

Unless other people’s opinions of you directly and negatively affect your life, pay no attention.

• Mind Your Business

Remember that unless other people’s activities affect you, it’s none of your business.

2018 Mantra: I CANNOT COME AND KILL MYSELF
HAVE A BLESSED YEAR 2018!

Old Year’s Day

Once  again, I have been privileged to make it to the end of another year and I have God to be thankful to. As the year comes to an end and a New Year (2018) rolls in, the atmosphere is saturated by optimism and hope for the coming year. People reflect on their experiences in the outgoing year and make promises to themselves and others to make a conscious effort in the incoming year to be better than they were in the departing year. It’s times like this that bring people like me out of the woodwork to give our two cents on the issue.

 I appreciate the fact that a lot of people are driven to introspection and retrospection by the idea of the year ending and in doing so come up with new ways of improving on themselves. My activities in the last day of the year are hardly different from the rest of the year. This is because self-evaluation and betterment of self are inherent states of my existence. I never have to wait for a new year, new month, new week or even new day to change something about myself or to sit down and evaluate my existence because I believe in NOW.

My Year (2017) in retrospect wasn’t a bad year but I wouldn’t also say that it was a great year and that’s ok. I appreciate the fact that I didn’t suffer greatly during the year and I’m perfectly fine with how it turned out. I had no expectations for the year except making it out alive and that was not in my hands but I made it by grace. I enjoyed the good things the year had to offer and I appreciate the bad things for what they taught me even if I still haven’t figured out why some things had to happen. I would write a list to personally thank all the people that impacted my life in one way or the other no matter how seemingly trivial but I honestly wouldn’t know where to start from.

 If there’s anything that stood out for me this year it was the fact that I realised how much love I am surrounded by which radiates from my friends and family. Thanks to the amazing people in my life and the love and adoration they constantly doused on me, I was able to float through every experience this year and they were always there to cushion my fall in hard times and there is no adequate way to thank them for their existence and willingness to be a part of my life.

I write these subjective posts with no intention of teaching or advising anyone but simply to get a better understanding of myself and I hope that whilst you are looking into the window of my soul, you catch a reflection of yourself in the glass and take a moment to evaluate what you see. 

 Feel-Good Tunes 

Some say music is a universal language as it transcends the boundaries of communication. One does not need to understand the lyrics or the intricacies of a tune to understand the message of a song. Although song lyrics do convey a message to listeners, the real message of a song is an emotion the artiste intends to make you feel or even a vibe or energy they hope to transfer to you. Music has so much power over us and the power to invoke many things within us that this art form deserves more than we give it credit for.

Music is an integral part of my existence although I am not particularly musically inclined. I listen to music for so many different reasons and it music serves many  important purposes in my life. That is why today, I have decided to dig into my musical soul and share with the world the songs that have the power to lift my mood and invoke strong feelings of ecstacy and on most days, an overwhelming calmness no matter what  I’m feeling or going through.

I cannot list all the feel-good songs but I hope you’ll appreciate this little piece of my musical soul. 

 It is also worth noting that the majority of the songs on this list are slow because of the calming nature of slow songs.

                                    🎶

                (In No Particular Order)

1. Come On Eileen – Dexys Midnight Runners

At this moment, you mean everything. 

2. In The Flesh? / In The Flesh – Pink Floyd

So ya. Thought ya. Might like to go to the show. To feel the warm thrill of confusion. That space cadet glow.

3. 1000 Times – Hamilton Leithauser + Rostwe

If my eyes were open, I’d be kicking the doors in but all that I have is this old dream I’ve always had

4. Change of Seasons – Sweet Thing

To let go is heartache. This must be a mistake but her natural reaction is to come apart when it’s all done.

5. Those Magic Changes – Sha Na Na

While the bass is sounding. While the drums are POUNDING. Beatings of my broken HEART will rise to first place on the charts. 

6. Mr. Blue Sky – Electric Light Orchestra

 Hey you with the pretty face! Welcome to the human race. A celebration, mister blue sky’s up there waitin’ and today is the day we’ve waited for

7. Box of Rain – Grateful Dead

Look into any eyes you find by you, you can see clear to another day. Maybe been seen before, through other eyes on other days while going home. 

8.  Mi Na Bo Po – E. L. 

  Everywhere I go,  people wanna know if I’m alone when they see me on the low. So I tell them “No,  I get somebody I love”  then I pick up the phone and I tell her I’m coming home to see my baby. 

9. Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen

I don’t wanna die,I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all. 

10. Bored- Billie Eilish 

I’m not afraid anymore. What makes you sure you’re all I need? Forget about it. When you walk out the door and leave me torn. You’re teaching me to live without it. 

11. On A High – Duncan Sheik 

You’re the sea and the sky and the blue that runs through it. 

12. Don’t You (Forget About Me – Simple Minds 

Won’t you come see about me? I’ll be alone, dancing you know it baby

13. Flying Without Wings – West Life  

And you’re the place my life begins. And you’ll be where it ends

14. Love On The Brain – Rihanna 

And I tried to buy your pretty heart, but the price too high

15. Mahama Paper – Shatta Wale

My heart’s desire. You’re the only one I require.

16. Soldier – Falz + Simi

Soldier do wetin you WANT but don’t fall in love with me. 

17. Changes – David Bowie 

So I turned myself to face me but I’ve never caught a glimhow the others must see the faker

18. Dancing Queen – ABBA 

You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen

19. Under Pressure – Queen + David Bowie 

Cause love’s such an old fashioned word. And love dares you to care for the people on the  edge of the night. And love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves. 

20. Fly Me To The Moon – Frank Sinatra 

Fly me to the moon. Let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like. On a, Jupiter and Mars. 

A Friend in Life 

I know life. I have known life since I was born but I really have no idea who life is. I have come to accept the fact that I will never understand life and that makes me love life even more because it means that I’ll continue to discover more of life to love till life and I go our separate ways.